This Boy

Dear God, 

They say I have to pay my dues. To not rush things, to let everything take their natural flow, to wait until I arrive in my supposed place. Fuck that. Who's to say I haven't paid my dues? Who's to judge what I am capable of doing? Who's to say I can't expedite things with my honed abilities?

When the daily grind gets a little too rough, remember that there's always another way of looking at things (not necessarily from outer space). Say it with me: "It's all about perspective, you son of a bitch."

The year was 1997. I was on the phone with Irish, my Grade 6 classmate, while we were both watching MTV. New music videos were currently on their playlist, so we both decided to critique the songs and artists. A new band called The Moffats faired poorly; we judged them as another Hanson wannabe. George Michael was too mature for our high fructose tween pop taste. When Kylie Minogue came in with her “Did It Again” video, we were thoroughly amused. Hey look, she's playing four versions of herself in different skin tones. And they're all fighting! We got that she's making a parody of her career with the “Cute Kylie”, “Dance Kylie” and “Little Misschievious Sex Kylie” personas but what is “Indie Kylie” and when did she happen? (Years later I will discover that “Did It Again” is Indie Kylie.)

It was 2002. “Can't Get You Out Of My Head” became the biggest comeback of the decade, landing Kylie a spot in the Billboard charts' Top 10—an extremely difficult feat for non-American artists—and generating buzz through a white jumpsuit with a neckline to her belly button. I was studying Psychology in college and teaching myself web design. This was the peak of the blog craze, mIRC chatrooms, message boards, “grand eyeballs”, a time when it felt natural to post sensitive feelings for the whole internet to see. “Love At First Sight” was released as a single and aside from the song being an excellent dance track, the music video complemented the Bohemian undertones of its lyrics. It showed Kylie flailing and dancing among robotic dancers in bright, cheesy costumes (that looked like the Jazz Age vision of clothing in the future) amidst a monochromatic landscape of blocks, walls and line-based animation. My dreams of graphic design soared after seeing this, inspiring me to encapsulate these visuals in my blog's banner. Except for the grayish-green color and thin white lines, the result looked nothing like the video. I can argue I was blinded by love.

Five years ago, 2006. I bought Kylie Minogue's Showgirl (The Greatest Hits Tour) on DVD and was stunned by its production values. It had huge screens from which her dancers can show off their gym-sculpted bodies. The sleek and polished choreography was made more grandiose by the intricate structure of their costumes. The theme was “showgirl”, after all, and the aesthetics of Las Vegas and Broadway were sufficiently duplicated. I watched this concert everyday for three months, sometimes playing it in the background while I did something else. A soundtrack to my life, if you will. It mostly evoked light and positive thoughts, but a sad emotional connection with a particular song happened one Sunday morning. It was around six in the morning and I just arrived home from a date with someone I really liked. I spent Saturday afternoon with him but had to attend a birthday party in the evening, so we decided to meet again later that night. Everyone had a cellphone by this time, but he had none. I thought that was charming. (He can very well afford it; the guy's a college instructor). We met by the fountain in front of the Malate Church. He was sitting there happily waiting for me. Fast forward to Sunday morning, he decided it was best if we remain friends because as fate would play it, he was an instructor in my college. He would not start a relationship with a student in his school. When I got home, I wanted to cheer myself up with the showgirl. On playing “Hand On Your Heart”, I realized how bittersweet my situation was. “Put your hand on your heart and tell me / It's all over / I won't believe it till you put your hand on your heart and tell me / That we're through,“ she sang in a new musical arrangement that had the song explode from a crescendo. From its 80s dance pop origins the song was transformed into a house anthem but never losing the heartbreak in its core. Quite fitting for a perfect night with an amazing guy that never happened again.

2010. Life has been hard in many ways I can't even begin to explain. If there was one thing that I get from listening to Kylie, it's the reminder that whatever happens, you just deal with it. You continue to live. I have to be humbled by a woman who survived breast cancer. She doesn't write most of her songs but for some reason I don't understand, her lyrics sound like life lessons to me. I am aware of how absurd this seems—really, life lessons from a pop song called “Get Outta My Way”? It's probably the effect of fandom, reading my own interpretation of songs that may probably mean nothing. But is life not meant to be taken as such? Making your own rules, overcoming obstacles and adapting to every situation so you can enjoy every living, breathing minute? Is “Spinning Around” not a declaration of freedom from pains of the past, of appreciating your flaws and working for your own redemption? Is “Better The Devil You Know” not an advice to never lose your head in and outside of romance? I don't do this all the time, of course. You can only read between the lines of “All The Lovers” so much before admitting all she wants to do is dance, so why won't you move?

This year, 2011. On the fifth of July, on a Tuesday night in Araneta Coliseum, Kylie performed in Manila for the very first time. It was a moment I have dreamed of happening. To finally see her in person, hear her sing live, experience the whole concert. That's what it was to me...an experience. Like losing a loved one or finishing school or fighting with a dear friend, the intensity of what I felt was indescribable. For someone who writes for a living, this concert has rendered me speechless. You can imagine my euphoria when she looked at me and reached out her hand while she sang “Love At First Sight”. It was a moment in my life where I was completely happy, the entire experience a reminder of how I should play along the scenes for every day. Work for your art with a burning passion. Surround yourself with inspiring people. Always aim for the best results. Leave a good, lasting impression. Have fun because the world will always have a reason to bring you down, and you have all the capabilities to take it all up. This is what she says to me. This is why I believe in Kylie Minogue.

People getting their money's worth from an 800-peso notebook. Spectacular job, you savvy spenders.

Fiona Apple playing the piano February of 2011. Where are you, shadowboxer?

I care enough to post this entry and tell everyone how much I would want to not care right now.

You know what they say on The Internet? Dancing in the club is srs bsns.

Someday, I will marry one of them, and we shall live drunkily ever after.

This will make all my other books jealous but fuck what they think. What are they gonna do, run me over with commas?